A Letter of Gratitude - Mommy realizes who is important in her life, and yours too!

A letter of gratitude

   I believe I know my child. I know when she is tired, when she needs a bottle, or a cool pacifier, when she is uncomfortable, when she is teething and needs Tylenol, when she is pooping, when she is ready to go out for the day, when she is cold or hot. I am her mother and I DO NOT apologize for the way I am with her. I love being able to know what she needs, I love being home and being a stay-at-home mommy  with her, I love being out and about and having new adventures with her daily. If this is not the way you want to raise your kid, then DON’T. However, do not criticize, analyze, or say one negative comment towards me and the way I am with my family. Your actions caused a discord in a friendship that altered our families.

     For some bizarre reason, I care what people think of me. And I especially care what my family and friends think. You were, supposed to be more than “just people.” You were supposed to be “family.”  The other “Mom” my daughter would grow up thinking you were like an Aunt.”  Instead of being there for us, instead of helping in an already complicated situation, you chose to question the way I was doing things.. Instead of supporting us in whatever we decided, you misspoke. (And I say  misspoke because you were, so clearly wrong, about what was the best thing for MY child. )

    And lastly, thank you for showing me the kind of person you came to be. Thank you for showing me far early in life so that my daughter may not be affected by your allegations, accusations, and words of distrust. Thank you for making me question my standards, my care, myself, my moments. Thank you for making every thought of depression and anxiety come back. Thank you for ruining the monumental steps that I have taken to get where I am today. Because making me doubt those things, even for just a split second, made me so much STRONGER than I was before. I trust the fact that I am doing, everything in my power, to be the best MOM I can be. So, I am walking away from this situation, having LOST a friendship, but have GAINED happiness and courage in the kind of mother I am.

Here’s to moving on and enjoying motherhood, my way!

Throwback to your first few days alive!

KEIRA LYNN HARTMAN

MAY 12,2016

A MOLAR??? As your first tooth!!

September 4, 2016

     Seriously girl, you never cease to amaze me at this point!
Everything that a  typically baby has, you don't and everything a "normal" baby ( according to the books) is supposed to go through, you go through differently.  I swear, it makes me laugh at how idiotic those parenting books can be sometimes.

     I knew you were teething; most people/ articles/ and research showed that babies don't teethe as early as 3 months and if they did start teething, it would be a long time before that tooth broke free. And most of the time, it is the bottom incisors that come first.
Of course, my darling, you are the little one that starts teething at barely 3 months old and as of today, I felt that tooth. It was your molar in your upper, right side of your mouth poking through. You poor thing, no wonder why you have been cranky. Feels sharp! 

     Now, I know I said you are fussy lately, but you are still smiling and even laughing most times. If mommy stays on top of the Tylenol ( when you run a fever), then you aren't nearly as fussy.  
You do get a lot of diarrhea, crankiness, drooling, and you want to chew everything while you are teething. You can't yet, grasp onto the teething toys or cool washcloths, so I have been freezing your pacifiers which you like a little bit. But honestly, you enjoy sucking your hands and my fingers. You try, so hard, to fit your entire hands in your mouth and it is the cutest thing! You grunt and whine because you can't get them all the way in there. I do allow you to show on my knuckles ( yes, some mommies don't approve, but I don't really care.) I don't like to see you in pain and if you sucking on my knuckles will help that pain a little, then by all means, go ahead! Daddy and I have been up taking care of you at night since you didn't want to eat as much during the day which can be normal for teething. Previously, you were sleeping from about 9pm to about 8:30am , but since your teeth have been really bothering you, even with Tylenol, you are up a few times a night now. 

     You have developed a deeper sense of who Daddy and I are. In fact, you don't mind other family members holding you, but you scan the room to look for us when you are being held by someone else. You are also having a hard time eating, even with Daddy. For some reason, you like the way I feed you these days which I don't mind because it gives us nice quality time. You like it when I whisper in your ear and tell you what is going to happen for the rest of that time period. Like for instance, at night when we eat your night-time bottle, you get rocked in my left arm and eat and as you drink your bottle, I tell you that we are going to finish feeding, and then do a diaper change, and put on your night-time face cream ( eczema stuff to help itching). Then I tell you how I am going to rock you to sleep and stroke your cheeks and face until you close your eyes. And mama, will always be here. You love when I talk to you in a nice, soft, quiet voice. You get nice and calm for me and it helps put you to sleep for the night. 

     I will say this, sweetie pie- you are getting so big these days and I find myself falling more and more in love with you each day! Off to get some sleep for now! 
XOXO 
MOMMY 

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The Kind Of Mom I Aspire To Be

Good morning, darling!

     I am sorry that it has been a week or so since my last entry. You have been teething and Mommy got hit with a stomach bug so this week wasn't a great one. But no matter how difficult times get, we always have each other.

    Daddy has been working so much this past week and we are grateful that he can work this much; however, it tends to pull the family dynamic a bit. Because of my brain condition, sometimes taking care of you can be difficult when I am feeling poorly and daddy is always such a big help. But when he works all the time, it is a little stressful. I think you know when he isn't home; you stayed awake all night waiting for him when he worked until 5am. Then, I think your gums are hurting you because you are drooling like crazy ( we got through many onesies throughout the day) and you are running tiny fevers (I make sure to give you Tylenol so you aren't in pain.)

     When you get the Tylenol and are feeling good, you are such a happy baby. Man, you love to look at you "dudes" and play in your playpen and crib. This week, Daddy put together the walker Auntie Laura and Uncle Rich got us for your baby shower. Sweetie, you loved it! You are loving being upright and coo at everything. You are trying to fit your hands in your mouth, all the time! Hearing your baby coos and noises throughout the day make me so happy. I can't believe you are over three months old- you have been such an incredibly humbling and loving change for Mommy.
 
      I look at how you have changed in just the last few weeks and I hope I can be the right Mommy for you to grow up into an amazing and wonderful person. Maybe it is a little because of Grammie and her hippie ways, but I am a little old school in my way of thinking when it comes to parenting. I believe that I should teach you things by helping you understand the way things work in the world and I got into a discussion with someone this week on different parent styles. Each family is different and what works for one, might not for another, but Daddy and I are in agreement that we aspire to teach you things with love, care, and grace rather than choose to discipline more harshly. Even now, I talk to you throughout the day, so you know what we are going to do and what is going to happen. Just as I hope to continue to do throughout your childhood and adolescence so you understand why our family does things the way we do. Anyway, sweet girl, you truly have made me see things in a different light now that you are in my world.

     Uncle Jared moved up to South Carolina this week for his third year at college. It is so exciting for him, but very sad for Mommy because Uncle Jared and I have such an awesome brother and sister relationship (like one I hope for you to have with your future siblings!) Anyway, he called and is all settled up there and  I hope he enjoys being up there!

     For now, sweet pea, mommy is going to try to sleep while she can! For tomorrow is another day!
Love you
XOXO
Mommy

Teething??

     How is it possible for you to be teething at 3 months old, princess??! I have my hands full with you these days. You aren't a happy camper right now. You don't want to sleep, but that makes you overtired and fussy. You usually are a wonderful sleeper and I usually brag about you sleeping through the night all the time ( Never Again!). For some reason, maybe because you are growing and every day learning something new, but you seem to be tired more and yet, not wanting to sleep.

      I try my best to meet your needs and honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm not doing my job well enough. I think every mommy feels that way from time to time. Today, you started the day happy, but throughout the day, I think you started to feel worse and worse with your teeth because you are okay when I give you the Tylenol that Dr. Orezzoli encouraged me to give to you. If I don't give you Tylenol you run a slight fever and are a little more cranky. Yet, I don't want to be giving you medicine this early for long. So, hopefully this process won't last long.

     We enjoy seeing daddy for lunch, on Wednesdays, and today you were a good baby. Sometimes, in fact, most of the time, you get hungry there and it is a tad harder to visit when you are fussing and eating etc.  Thankfully, today you were great and got some cuddles with daddy and quality time. We love seeing him because it helps break up the time and we miss him a lot since he has been working so much for our family.

     Your daddy makes me so happy and is such a wonderful guy. He really knows how to make me feel special and always encourages me when I need it. I love him so much and enjoy seeing him take care of you because he does it so well. I am lucky because a lot of husbands I know don't really have much of a relationship or spend as much time with their kids as your daddy does. He loves to take care of you in the morning and have morning cuddles.

 I love you, sweet pea, I am going to go cook some dinner!
 XOXO
Mommy

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